This entry speaks for me

I have been overwhelmed lately and I will not let it happen again. I stopped all the bad habits that were ruining my life. I’m trying to get clear headed, to really come up with a plan and move on. It’s refreshing, scary, dangerous, and thrilling at the same time. I’m changing who I am inherently, and it’s satisfying but sad at the same time. I’m watching a part of my life go, but welcoming this new mature successful part with open arms. It’s been far too long since I felt like myself. I've felt lost in this world, not knowing what to do or who I am. But the more time passes with these changes the more I feel confident about what I’m doing and what’s going on. Sure, I’m not perfect. I’m still going, still evolving. It’s frustrating and horrifying, I get very scared and lonely at times. That moment, I realize only Allah understand my pain. And I feel better overall. I’m truly almost happy. And that’s all I can really ask for in life. I have to put everything on Allah's hand. May Allah count my effort as a good deed.

Life isn't about needing to delete mistakes but to realize that the mistakes have already been done. So I've to move on, accept myself, and learn from them. I had an accident last week and  I started to think why this is happen to me? I've learned from that. Learning from mistakes in Islam means to trust Allah enough to protect you and wanting to never make those mistakes again. Allah sees all, hears all, knows all. No one can die for your mistakes, not even you. So rise above your past and be the person you wish to be.

Independence. I need to move out. I need to support myself one-hundred percent. I need to rely on myself, because in the end that’s really all I've got. I hate being indebted to people. But the silver lining is definitely there. It always has been, but my eyes have usually been too clouded with anxiety and tears to notice. But now I see it, and it gives me hope. I can do this.

All the best Aimi !