August 18, 2014

I worked on two episodes with you

Two people who were together once but for one reason they can't be. It's about starting over again after ending a relationship and realizing that nothing feels as good as it did with the last. That it's not just because they grew together but because they have more chemistry together than others. Realizing that and realizing they will never feel that again with another person and realizing that they will never feel it with them again. They're not making love anymore, they're just going through the motions and every single night she spend with someone else, she miss how he knew exactly where to put his hands and how to hold her and how he smelt.

There was another man that those around her. Be with someone she actually doesn't love. 

"And we ignored our others, happy plans 
And that delicate look upon your face"

"Do you come together ever with him? 
And is he dark enough, enough to see your light? 
And do you brush your teeth before you kiss? 
Do you miss my smell? 
And is he bold enough to take you on? 
Do you feel like you belong? 
And does he drive you wild or just mildly free?

What about me?"

He is asking if she regrets going to the other man and is wondering if he ever meant anything to her or if it was just his imagination even though he knows at heart that he is the one she loves.

"And I know I make you cry. 
I know sometimes you wanna die. 
But do you really feel alive without me?
If so, be free, if not, leave him for me. 
Before one of us has accidental babies."

It is like a last try to catch hold of her again. He is asking her if she will ever be happy with him and if she will then he will try his best to let her go. But, if she won't then he wants her again and is begging her to come back and forget them before they have both gone too far, leaving them with regrets and things that will forever separate them.


I have always loved you, and you know that. Ever since I was twenty three years old, when we laid, learning and growing in love, I have always love you. I have tried to let you go and found someone that moves me more than you, but no one can beat the way you make me feel.

You make me feel like I couldn't be anyone better but the person I am when I am with you. You live there, and I live here, which is why it has never worked. I would have followed you always, and you never knew that.

I see my whole life with you. I run to you. I got hooked onto you. I got addicted to your smell and fell in love with your body and felt so warm in your arms.

We're we are now. In second episodes.

November 25, 2013

Akulah pelindungmu, anakku.

Si penjual buku English Learning Kids

He said my daughter CANNOT speaks well in English. I said, 'How come you say like this? We just met not less than 5 sec? And how come you expect my children will speak in English in 4 years old? She even cannot speak well due to her delay development. She understand what I am talking but she cannot speaks as well as other children.

He ignore my explanation. Then said, 'There are many children can speak in English in this age, while he pointed the pictures of the smart children. Your kids cannot speaks in English'.
Dengan muka bangga si mamat india ni menghina.

Well OK.

Who are you talking this to my children? I am her parents, I am her teacher. I do not need these kind of things. There are lot of medium/source to teach my children how to learn in English. She even understand in English and Bahasa. You don't know anything, you just know how to get commission and promote your barang. I am not stupid sir. This is cara promote barang yang tidak sihat. Don't let your mouth hurt the parents heart as you did on me. You look down on my children, its same as you look down on me. Just don't worry sir, do you work. Let me take care of my children. Thank you.

Hina, hina jugak. Kau lagi hina wahai kafir laknatullah. Pantek.

Shasha ni belum pandai lagi bercakap. Belum ditakdirkan Allah untuk menyusan ayat. Cukup dengan perkataan yang cukup disyukuri. Jangan tanya bila dia BOLEH, PANDAI bercakap. Sebab aku memang tak kira milestone dia. Aku taknak keep track sangat. Bukan negligence tapi sebab taknak pressure anak. Biar dia take her own sweet time.

Ah, nanti dia nak apa-apa, pandai la dia cakap. Kang tiba-tiba, 'Ibu, bolehkah saya ke tandas sebentar?' Perfect grammer terus.

Alhamdulillah, setakat apa yang ada.

April 22, 2013

Buatlah apa yang kau nak buat.

I can't kick your habit

April 17, 2013

Tentang membiarkan diri dibiasakan hancur

Dah selalu aku merasa seperti ini, bercinta separuh nyawa tapi ku mati. Dah terlalu biasa. Dah terlalu biasa seperti ini. Apa lagi yang perlu aku lakukan bila semua telah aku laksanakan tetap tak mencukupi. Telah aku bagi seluruh jiwa iniku koyakkan ku jahitkan terus ke hati. Namun tak pernah cukup untuk dia. Dia kata aku ini tak sempurna seperti perempuan itu yang dia mahu, yang tetap dia mahu tetap dalam hati itu. Aku seperti sudah begitu sakit hati. Terjadi lagi setiap kali. Telahku bagi hati yang telah aku kunci pada dia yang pernah kata mau janji. Bila aku kepungkan diri aku dia katakan "bukakan diri itu". Bila aku hunuskan pedang dia tarik dulu. Dia kata dia tetap mau aku. Dia tetap mau cinta aku. Asyik-asyik aku merasa disampahkan sedangkan selama ini kubagikan berlian. Kubagikan setiap apa yang ku ada. Kubagikan setiap yang diminta tetap tak sempurna. Bagaimana perlu aku lakukan lagi. Bila pula ku ini tidak pernah memenuhi jiwanya.

Aku tak tau lagi
Aku tak tau lagi
Aku tak tau lagi

Mau apa ku bikin untuk dia. Perrlukah aku melutut dan meminta-minta? Ku maukan engkau tetap di hati, perlukah engkau untuk pergi? T
akkan ada sesiapa yang mencintai engkau sebagaimana aku memegang engkau. Sampai bila hendak kau main lari-lari lagisampai bila? Apakah sampai aku jadi mati?

Setiap kali aku lihatkan semua orang, tetap kau hargakan mereka yang terbilang. Sedangkan ku bagi setiap rasa hati ini. K
au memang lelaki seperti binatang yang menjadikan aku perempuan jalang. Engkau tak harus hidup malam ini kau akan ku kecup. Kau bunuh aku di dalam diri. Kau biarkan aku mati. Apa kau fikir aku akan biar kau pergi. Aku akan ikut kau berjalan, sampai kau mati.

Sampai kau mati.


December 16, 2012

Please be safe.

You visit my dreams every night and I can’t even wish for you to leave.

I still love you and I am going to love you more.

December 14, 2012


Apparently I’m a writer now. My subject is you. You get a whole folder on my computer and a whole hole in my heart.

I really like you, 
who pays attention to the smallest details about me. It’s cute when you know the little things I like, things I hate, and small random facts about me. It’s nice if you don’t just pay attention to the big things and actually know me. It’s such a surprise to hear when you know something about me that I didn't even know that you knew.

My door will always be open for you.

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