December 15, 2010

Sorry, i am Useless

I wish someone would say they missed me but no one ever does 
only i do to them . damn , i am clingy.. so is my fat |:

This is for all my friends, who I thought I should apologies to, for not being very good at comforting you lot. I am sorry. I am a strong person and usually don’t turn to others when I am upset. I keep things inside for months, even years, before I tell people and there are some things I have never told anyone and probably never will. Some of them aren't even important. I guess there are lots of reasons why I keep everything to myself. I don’t want judgement. I don’t want to look like a fool. I don’t want to be embarrassed. I don’t want to bother other people with problems that could seem trivial compared to things they’re going though or have been through. I don’t value other peoples opinion because people are biased, selfish and will never know how you feel. I don’t want to seem weak and in some cases. I don’t want people to see that I am upset . I wouldn't say I find it easy to just block things out but I can definitely do it. I am good at putting on a smile and hiding things . 

DONT CALL THIS IS EGO 

Thankfully I haven’t had to do any of this lately. But it doesn't make me forget how strong I am. this is why i I am absolutely rubbish at comforting my friends. Because I don’t understand how people can’t just suck it up and deal with it, realize that things have changed, walk away from things that clearly aren't right. I feel awful, but if I was giving myself advice, it would be blunt. I hate to go into emotional bullshit on this blog, because its the reason I scrapped the last one, but when I decided to end my relationship at the beginning of this year it wasn't an easy decision. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it HAD to be done. I didn’t want to talk about it with my friends or family because it does no good, talking does fuck all . 

I live in a world where relationships are superfiSIAL but abundant. But I would much rather live in a world where relationships are limited but full of honesty, trust, love, understanding, and most of all, depth and true connection. I feel like a fish out of water, struggling to breathe in an environment unnatural to me.  Allah, help me find and nurture meaningful relationships, Ameen .





'you say I choose sadness that it never once has chosen me'
Rilo Kiley


3 feedback(s) :

♥ Teacher Rinz ♥ said...

nice.folow me back

misz jue said...

its hard to find someone who understand ourself the most..only He did..

Aimi Razman said...

Teacher Rinz : insyallah. Thanks :)

misz_j : yeah! only Allah. He is most Merciful :)

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